Five Minute Friday: Bare

Sometimes on Fridays, I join They Gypsy Mama and her friends for Five Minute Friday. She gives us a topic and we “write for 5 minutes flat for pure unedited love of the written word.” Today’s topic? Bare.

I wrote this post in my head while I was taking a shower. An appropriate place to think about the word “bare,” don’t you think?

I was always the modest one, hiding in the corner of the girls’ locker room to change clothes for P.E., marveling at those girls who could pull their shirts over their head mid-sentence, seemingly unaware that they were exposed to the rest of us.

I remember the day I became less modest: January 20, 2001. It was the day my first born son made a scene when he entered the word, displaying for the first, but not last time, his strong-willed tendencies when he refused to take that first breath on his own. I’d had a perfectly blissful and boring pregnancy, so none of us were expecting any problems. I’m not sure if it was the shock or the fact that I had been a NICU nurse, but as I watched the doctors stick a tiny tube down his throat and saw them press on his little chest, I felt like this craziness was happening to someone else’s baby. This surely wasn’t happening to me or my child. From my cloud of surreal surprise, as I watched nurses and doctors flood into and out of my hospital room, the most out-of-place thought popped into my head:

“I’m lying in this bed with my feet in stirrups and the door wide open, totally exposed for the whole wide world to see.”

And I just as quickly realized that the baby they were working on and had been waiting to meet for over nine months was in danger and I could not have cared less who saw all of me at that moment. All of my attention and energies were focused on that little boy and praying like I’d never prayed before that he was going to be okay.

The crisis passed almost as quickly as it had began, and that little baby is now a 12-year-old boy who still has strong-willed tendencies and a flair for the dramatic at times. But I’m not as modest as I was before that day.

My emotional modesty wasn’t lost in a moment or even a day. I think I’m still losing it in stages.

I lost a little the first time I shared a little bit of my story to a group of ladies and was overwhelmed by the number of new friends who came up to me after to say, “What, you, too? I thought I was the only one.”

I lost a little more when I married a man whose job requires us to move a lot and make friends quickly. I don’t have time to hide myself under layers and layers of pretense for potential friends to dig through and uncover. I have to be who I am right from the first hello.

I lost more when I decided to start a blog, not knowing that this would be the place I processed how I was feeling about my dad’s cancer and the fact that God decided it would be best for him to be healthy in Heaven but not here. I’ve bared my heart and soul here even when it wasn’t comfortable.

I lost even more on the blog that I didn’t make public and in my heart-felt prayers that I didn’t put into words. The places where I spit and spew and wrestled.

Bare is only one letter away from brave. It takes a lot of courage to say, “Here I am. This is me. This is my truth.” But with that openness comes freedom to be who we were created to be, not some cheap facsimile of ourselves that we don’t even recognize in the mirror.

I’m learning to bare myself to my Maker. Although He knows me better than I know myself, something happens inside me when I’m completely, unashamedly honest with Him.

Just as I am,

though tossed about

with many a conflict, many a doubt.

Fightings and fears, within, without

O Lamb of God, I come.
I come.


I’m still modest. Inside and out. And a little modesty is good, both inside and out. Some things are just not meant for the whole world to see.

But I’m still learning to be dare to be bare (just inside) to myself and to the rest of the world, discovering who I am and who I’m supposed to be.

Okay, that was a full 15 minutes because I got interrupted twice and was in  the middle of a sentence and thought it rude to not let myself finish a thought. But I’m pushing the “publish” button without editing, which still makes my insides hurt.

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13 Comments

Filed under Five Minute Friday

13 responses to “Five Minute Friday: Bare

  1. Love this! Amen to your comment, “I lost a little more when I married a man whose job requires us to move a lot and make friends quickly. I don’t have time to hide myself under layers and layers of pretense for potential friends to dig through and uncover. I have to be who I am right from the first hello.”

    I’m right there with you! We’ve moved so much in the last 18 months and preping for another in June. That for sure teaches you to shed some pretense.

    • whimzie

      We’re moving again in June, too! This time just to a different house, so it won’t be as drastic, but moving’s always a challenge!! Here’s to new beginnings! Hope yours is great!

  2. Hi! I found you via FMF.

    I love your post. Thanks for being honest about the time frame, cause I was thinking — man, this girl is smokin’ up the keyboard! 🙂

    My favorite phrase is “bare is just one letter away from brave.” How true! And we can’t be brave, can we, without baring ourselves in at least some fashion?

    I, too, lost my dad to cancer. I cannot believe it has been four years, come this June. But I thrill to think of how whole he is now, in the presence of his Savior. (And thinking of that makes me want to shout!)

    I’d love it if you’d stop by my blog sometime.

    Blessings to you!

    • whimzie

      Hi, Selena!

      I’m sorry you lost your dad. I truly am. It was three years in November for me.

      I saw on your blog that you’re a homeschool mom. This is my real first year of homeschooling. I’ll have to stop back by your blog again!

  3. Kelly Lawson

    Outstanding! Thinking about Blake’s first few minutes still makes my stomach hurt. This was another great post! 143!

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. Stopping by via FMF…loved reading your thoughts on bare. What a journey you’ve experienced and that had to be surreal having been a NICU nurse and witnessing the traumatic events following your son’s birth! Praise the Lord he’s now 12! =) Thanks for sharing your heart through your post.

  5. Susan

    Bravo to the brave who is walking in more bareness each day!!! I love your writing. It took me three tries and a full day just to read due to interruptions. Sooooo worth the effort. I applaud you in your journey. I thank you for your encouragement. There are so many of us on the same path but we’re miles behind you, years behind you and even those who just identified with you. Lead on!!!!!

  6. Wonderful, wonderful post! I love the ways you are losing your emotional modesty and could especially identify with ‘I lost even more on the blog that I didn’t make public and in my heart-felt prayers that I didn’t put into words. The places where I spit and spew and wrestled.’ I have so many drafts that either weren’t for public eyes yet they helped me make decisions, work through crisis after crisis and just helped me cry. I love that we are all learning to bare with each other. Thank-you for sharing!

  7. I think my favorite post you have EVER written……Love yoiu

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