Whew! That was fun! I’m still unpacking my suitcase and my memories from one of the best girls’ weekends ever! I’ve tried eleventy hundred times to think of a way to write a paragraph or two that would fill you in and do it justice, but I delete it every time. Maybe when I’m a little more rested I’ll try again. I took my camera, but would you believe I didn’t take pictures? I was too busy having fun! Albany was the most gracious hostess ever and treated us like royalty.
I ate good food (who knew Philadelphia had good barbecue?!), met amazing people, played with makeup, and shopped a little. On the way home, I made a new friend on the plane (are you there, Paula? 🙂 ), finally finished a book that I’ve been trying to get through for several weeks, and even started a fluffy, I-probably-won’t-learn-anything-from-this-experience one.
I hit the ground running when I got back home. I thought this was an empty week. I was wrong. We have something every day and every night. But it’s all good stuff and I get to spend time with family and friends while I’m doing it, so I can’t complain. I am sad that I’m behind on email and my favorite blogs, but I’ll catch up eventually.
I have to get ready to fill in for my son’s kindergarten teacher (better take a vitamin or two), but I wanted to tell you quickly about something that happened today. I’ve shared with you that God’s really been dealing with my heart about my pride and my desire to be important? Well, the neatest thing happened today. I found out that I’m a loser. Confused? Well, last week, I “put myself out there” and entered a piece of my work into a writing competition. The prize was a scholarship to a writer’s conference later this year. I had turned down an opportunity to participate in an earlier competition, but I really felt in my heart of hearts that I was supposed to enter this one. Submitting a piece of writing to be judged by others makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, so I don’t usually do it. But I really felt like the timing was right and I had an article that I felt met the guidelines, so I took a deep breath and sent it.
And I didn’t win.
I didn’t even win an honorable mention. Or even a “thanks for playing.”
But guess what? I’m perfectly okay with that.
A month or so ago, I wouldn’t have entered the competition in the first place. If for some reason I had entered and then didn’t win? Well, I’d have felt like a big, fat failure. I would have seen the judges’ choice as validation of my heartfelt fear that I should never write another word. I would have taken the judges’ decision very personally and it would have ruined my day.
Sure, I would have liked to have won. Who doesn’t like to be rewarded? But I can honestly say that my gut reaction surprised even me. Before I read the blog post announcing the winners, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I was thanking God for an absolutely beautiful spring day. After I read the post? The sun’s still shining, the birds are singing, and I’m thanking God for an absolutely beautiful spring day.
I struggle with who I am every single day. I need to be reminded of how God sees me sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis. I constantly battle my desire to be loved by everyone. I didn’t tell you this story because I want you to think I’ve arrived anywhere because I’m a mess–a work in progress. But I’m a beautiful mess because God loves me and is making me into the person He wants me to be. Today, I’m participating in the process and I’m letting Him…and it feels good. I just wanted you to celebrate this little victory with me. He is faithful to do what He said He will do. And I PROMISE YOU, that He wants to do the same for you. Just let Him.
ENJOY YOUR WEDNESDAY!!