I Am Not the Biggest Loser

Whew! That was fun! I’m still unpacking my suitcase and my memories from one of the best girls’ weekends ever! I’ve tried eleventy hundred times to think of a way to write a paragraph or two that would fill you in and do it justice, but I delete it every time. Maybe when I’m a little more rested I’ll try again. I took my camera, but would you believe I didn’t take pictures? I was too busy having fun! Albany was the most gracious hostess ever and treated us like royalty.

I ate good food (who knew Philadelphia had good barbecue?!), met amazing people, played with makeup, and shopped a little. On the way home, I made a new friend on the plane (are you there, Paula? 🙂 ), finally finished a book that I’ve been trying to get through for several weeks, and even started a fluffy, I-probably-won’t-learn-anything-from-this-experience one.

I hit the ground running when I got back home. I thought this was an empty week. I was wrong. We have something every day and every night. But it’s all good stuff and I get to spend time with family and friends while I’m doing it, so I can’t complain.  I am sad that I’m behind on email and my favorite blogs, but I’ll catch up eventually.

I have to get ready to fill in for my son’s kindergarten teacher (better take a vitamin or two), but I wanted to tell you quickly about something that happened today. I’ve shared with you that God’s really been dealing with my heart about my pride and my desire to be important? Well, the neatest thing happened today.  I found out that I’m a loser. Confused? Well, last week, I “put myself out there”  and entered a piece of my work into a writing competition. The prize was a scholarship to a writer’s conference later this year. I had turned down an opportunity to participate in an earlier competition, but I really felt in my heart of hearts that I was supposed to enter this one. Submitting a piece of writing to be judged by others makes me feel exposed and vulnerable, so I don’t usually do it. But I really felt like the timing was right and I had an article that I felt met the guidelines, so I took a deep breath and sent it.

And I didn’t win.

I didn’t even win an honorable mention. Or even a “thanks for playing.”

But guess what? I’m perfectly okay with that.

A month or so ago,  I wouldn’t have entered the competition in the first place. If for some reason I had entered and then  didn’t win? Well, I’d have felt like a big, fat failure. I would have seen the judges’ choice as validation of my heartfelt fear that I should never write another word. I would have taken the judges’ decision very personally and it would have ruined my day.

Sure, I would have liked to have won. Who doesn’t like to be rewarded?  But I can honestly say that my gut reaction surprised even me. Before I read the blog post announcing the winners, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and I was thanking God for an absolutely beautiful spring day. After I read the post? The sun’s still shining, the birds are singing, and I’m thanking God for an absolutely beautiful spring day.

I struggle with who I am every single day. I need to be reminded of how God sees me sometimes on a minute-by-minute basis. I constantly battle my desire to be loved by everyone. I didn’t tell you this story because I want you to think I’ve arrived anywhere because I’m a mess–a work in progress. But I’m a beautiful mess because God loves me and is making me into the person He wants me to be. Today, I’m participating in the process and I’m letting Him…and it feels good. I just wanted you to celebrate this little victory with me. He is faithful to do what He said He will do. And I PROMISE YOU, that He wants to do the same for you. Just let Him.

ENJOY YOUR WEDNESDAY!!

Advertisements

22 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

22 responses to “I Am Not the Biggest Loser

  1. Gretchen

    You never cease to touch my heart w/your writing, Whimz. So many thoughts/emotions evoked as I read this. I’ve suffered the pride disease of wanting not only to be important, but wanting to be beautiful, as well. Lurve that I can rest in being a beautiful mess, finding purpose & importance in waiting on His plans for me & His desires for my heart. Heart you! So gladdy you had fun on your getaway.

  2. beccastanley

    Just what I needed to read today — thanks for sharing sweet friend! 🙂

  3. Rebecca

    Beautiful!

  4. I love reading your heart, Whimz….

  5. Thanks for the pep talk. The past few days I’ve been trapped by the stats and comments devils again. How stupid is that?! I keep having to remind myself that although I love getting feedback and being acknowledged, I’m not actually blogging for anyone but me and maybe a little for my kids. Whom I won’t allow on the evil internet. In the meantime, hey look, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and it’s a beautiful Spring day.

  6. Amy

    Beautiful thoughts on self-acceptance!

    So glad you enjoyed your trip, too!!

  7. You’re always a winner in my eyes.

    Love you,

    kellie

  8. Jen

    Beautiful! I :big puffy heart: you!

  9. paula

    Hey! I am here! Thanks for the shout out.I feel like a celebrity. I have to admit that I generally do my best not to talk to people on planes. However,I enjoyed our conversation so much, I will now have to rethink that mindset.

    Congratulations on entering the writing contest!

    • whimzie

      Yeah, I’m kind of hard to ignore on a plane when I’m reading over your shoulder, aren’t I? Sorry! (Tiff & Gretchen, she was reading Wicked!!)

  10. Hooray for not winning and for being okay with it! I’ll tell you what–you should enter that post about Southerners and snow in some contest. Brilliance. (not that it’s the only brilliant thing you’ve ever written, but it was amazing)

    God is teaching me some hard, beautiful things too. Wooohoooo!!!

  11. Welcome home! I’m so glad you had a splendiforous weekend! I’m even more happy to celebrate such a wonderful victory with you! Hooray!

    Ironically, in the face of your non-award-winning self, I am here to bestow an award on you. It’s one of those pyramid scheme awards, you know the ones, someone gives it to you, and you have to give it to five other bloggers. I’ve been given awards before, and while I am thankful for them, I’ve never accepted them before due to all the work (and the scheming). This time, however, I accepted the award, and talked to God about who should get it. He picked you. Honest!

    Then I came over here and read your post. I laughed because I knew you were not award-less. It just looked like you were. 🙂

    Anyway, I’m very sincere about what I said about you on my blog. I’m thankful that you’re blogging honestly, and that you let God BE.

    I’m glad we’re friends!

  12. Ashleigh

    I am a beautiful mess right along with you…also, I will be stealing that title and claiming it as my own. *insert evil laughter here* Thanks for sharing your “victory”, making me smile, AND making me think.

  13. I say “You win.”

    Loved this. Muchly.

  14. Thanks for sharing! I am assuming this is ‘my’ Albany. Well, she isn’t mine, but you know what I mean.

  15. Linda

    Darling Amy, what a treasure you are. Spring and we see all the new growth that God has wrought on the earth, but how God must rejoice when He looks and sees new growth in us!! Thank you for sharing that to your great surprize, this weeks pruning didn’t hurt a bit. OH remember how we howled with every pinched leaflet and deadheading and now under our Father’s loving hand even a ‘branchutation’ is reason to rejoice knowing that He is sculpting us into the form He has always designed us to be: unique and one of a kind! That you are.
    On the impertinent question side, was it Albany Irving you got to be with this week? Sounds like a wee bit of heaven! Welcome back Mrs. Kelly.

  16. I just love you and I have missed you so…you’ve been away and I’ve been talking an all things online hiatus…

    Happy about your new friend! Hi Paula! Definitely see the musical next, girl!!

    Proud of you for entering…proud of your attitude when they turned the light out on your candy machine and said “you’re not the biggest loser” 😉

  17. Betty Boop

    You’re a winner with me with your writing! I love your posts and honesty……remember, progress not perfection!!

  18. carpoolqueen

    Getting rejected is oddly liberating. I’ve had a couple of pieces rejected because I didn’t fit “their” mold.

    But guess what?

    I fit mine, and it’s the one in which He fashioned me.

  19. I loved reading this, Amy. You are such an inspiration.

    So glad you had a fun weekend too!

  20. runrgirl

    I still think of and pray for you often.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s