Dear People Who Live in States Where It Often Snows

Dear Snow State People,

You know who you are. You were the ones who rolled your eyes at the Great Potential Winter Weather Emergency of 2010. You laughed when our school systems cancelled school before nary an ice crystal touched the ground. You snickered as we packed Walmart to buy provisions in a way that retail stores haven’t seen since the big Y2K preparations. You make fun of us when we speak in wind chill temperatures when your actual air temperatures are even lower. Sometimes you border state dwellers even report your temps to us in Celsius so we’ll know you’re so far north you’re almost in another country, eh? Well, while you’re laughing at us from your states that come fully equipped with snow plows and sand trucks and seat warmers in your car, we want you to think about something…

We don’t have all that stuff.

See,  we may be from the South, but Whimzie lived in New England twice. She’s on to you and knows your snow secrets. We don’t have any fancy scraper things that attach to our pickup trucks. We don’t have snow blowers. Most of us don’t even have snow boots. You know what we have? We have those plastic bags that the newspaper comes in on rainy days. We put those on over our socks with a couple of rubberbands and wear our tennis shoes to play in the snow on the rare times that we get it. If we can’t find the mittens we bought five years ago during the Great Almost Blizzard of 2005, we just might wear mismatched socks on our hands. We scrape the ice off our car windshields with the spatulas from our kitchen drawers and the driver’s licenses from our wallets. We don’t know how to drive in snow, or walk in it for that matter. We freak out and wreck and fall. Most of us haven’t had enough practice. And while we know that your children’s safety isn’t compromised because your school bus drivers could drive their buses over Mt. Everest with ease, ours, however have had no such training. We aren’t willing to put our children in harm’s way while Edgar the Bus Driver white knuckles the wheel because he doesn’t know what “turn in to the spin” means. All we’ve been told and know for sure is that we’re supposed to go get milk, bread, and toilet paper. We’re not even sure why we do it but it’s been passed on to us just the same as which college football team we’re going to cheer for on Saturdays every fall was.

And before you get cocky about just how much better you all handle the snow and frigid temperatures than we do, we’d like to issue a little challenge……

We double dog dare you to survive a summer day in August here in the deep South. We bet you wouldn’t make it past 10 a.m. Yes, 10 a.m., because it’s not uncommon to wake up to a higher temperature here than you’ll see all summer. You haven’t really lived until you get ready for the day–hair, makeup, freshly ironed outfit–only to have your face melt off and fall in your lap when you get in your car to go to work. You don’t know summer until you’ve suffered 2nd degree burns on the backs of your thighs when you sat down on boiling hot vinyl car seats. When you’ve kept your arms at 90 degree angles from your body so that your deodorant would dry and not superglue your arms to your sides, then you can talk about who knows how to handle weather. Talk to me with a mouth full of gnats and mosquito bites the size of a saucer up and down your extremities or have a swatting battle with a ginormous, winged unidentifiable bug, then you might have an eaten up leg to stand on.

I’ve heard you gripe about humidity in the summer. People, please. When it’s summer in the South, we can chew our air it’s so humid.  Breathing in August air is like trying to breathe a brick through your nose it’s so heavy.  When you can wring water out of your clothes and you haven’t been anywhere near water, you can talk to me about humidity.

So, we’ll see your winter and we’ll raise you a summer.

Any takers?

With all the love and southern hospitality we have to bless your little hearts,

Tiffani of Bears and Belles and Whimzie

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44 Comments

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44 responses to “Dear People Who Live in States Where It Often Snows

  1. Linda Cate

    Too darn cute girls–and sadly, too darn true!! You made my day! Thanks for the giggles.

  2. ROFLOL! I love it. I love it! Yes, I live in a snow state, and, yes, I laugh, but I also complain a whole lot. I may live here, but I am not a winter bird. I would love to take your challenge! I’m sure you’d win, but I would like everyone to know I am an equal-opportunity-disser. I don’t like extreme cold and snow AND I don’t like extreme humidity and heat. Can I move to So-Cal?

  3. This post made my day…I needed a good laugh before I adventure taking my kids to school with “icy” roads….

    Hey..we northerners are tough…I have a whole southern in-law side…who can’t even handle weather under 60 degrees but I applaud all you southerners in a hurricane…I would rather have snow anyday! hee hee…

    Great post…you are a very talented writer!
    sandy toe

  4. I was thoroughly disappointed this morning when I looked out my window and saw no fluffy white sprinkling, but only sad, wet ground, knowing that even a sprinkling would keep me from having to go to work. However, your post has cheered up my day quite a bit. Thanks for that! 🙂

  5. Preach it sister!

    Now hand me the sun screen.

  6. Ya’ll are just precious, bless your little hearts. 😉
    I love this post like I love my sweet little Southern life.

  7. Hear hear! As a former resident of LA (lower Arkansas) I can echo your sentiments. As a current resident of MA (middle America-Missouri) in a place that actually experiences winter weather, like NOW, I am finding myself better equiped. My family and I are now the proud owners of an ice scraper, insulated gloves, snow boots, and a weather tight garage. What a difference a little latitude makes.

  8. I love this post! It’s so true in the south! I asked hubby to stop & get bread, milk, eggs & a few other groceries to get us through a couple of days just in case we had snow or ice and lost power. This Louisiana girl is so ready for summer! It’s supposed to be 14 degrees tomorrow morning? We haven’t seen these temps in a long time!

  9. I am sleeping under grandma’s old polyester quilts because it is so flippin’ cold. And I don’t do polyester. You fingernails and unshaved leg hairs get all caught up in the fibers and it resembles chewing on aluminum foil.

    But yet I dragged them out.

    I bet those Northerners even have fancy blankets to sleep under, too. Hurmph.

    Very funny, girlies. And so very very true.

  10. My teeth suddenly hurt after reading Amber’s aluminum foil comment.

    Good Morning Mrs. Snoodle. My, that color of blue on your nose and lips looks very becoming. Did you sleep well last night? You see, I find cold weather provides a most desirable ambiance for good sleeping.

    And yes, I might’ve been a bit of a scoffer when I moved to Seattle, and all the world stopped spinning on its axis b/c of a few flakes of snow. Then, I met Mr. Black Ice. And now, I am warm, kind and loving to all sorts of weather people.

    I.would.fail.your.test. Once my face is hot, the day typically goes downhill quickly.

  11. Betty Boop

    How funny!!! When we went to Summit in So. Cal. they kept apologizing for the humidity!!!
    Humidity!!!! They don’t know a thing about humidity…..I’m sure when they mow their lawns, they might take a shower just to get a little dirt off them…….how about you being wetter (is that a word?) before you get in the shower than while you’re in????? I’ve had to find things to wear ’cause it’s been so long since we’ve had cold weather. Those snow bird are probably laughing their heads off when our school board closes schools before even a single snow flake falls!!!
    Bless their little hearts!!!

  12. How sinkin’ funny! Laughed out loud and shouted AMEN sista! Oops! left wrong website first try!

  13. Okay, but can either camp handle our High Plains wind? Mixed with snow? Or heat? I DON’T THINK SO!

  14. Whimzie – may I first say that I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now and you never fail to delight 🙂 Thank you for such wonderful blog fodder (and specifically for the post with the Joe Cocker video, which is how I originally found your blog, and why I’ve been consistently laughing at the thought of it for weeks – priceless). Secondly, I’m a western New Yorker and was thinking this very same thing as I traversed the snow-laden parking lot into work this morning. Even though we winter-staters think we are built Ford Tough, we probably wouldn’t last a day in Southern heat…I’d take the snow any day. Good luck weathering the storm 🙂

  15. Muwahahahahaha!!!

    The BEST thing I’ve read in a long while!

    BUT I will see your summer and raise you rain 300 days of the year. So there….and I can say that cause I’ve survived a week in Arkansas in the summer WHILE PREGNANT PEOPLE! AND winters of -degree days where it takes an hour just to get the munchkins coats, hats, gloves (which are the plague of my life when being put on a toddler), scarfs, snowboots, etc, etc before school. 🙂

  16. I really appreciate this-thank you! I know exactly who I’m sending it to.

    It’s so cold here, I haven’t left the house in three days. And I even own snowboots.

  17. Laughing out loud! 🙂

  18. hilarious! and so so true. When i first moved here from Canada, I literally stayed inside the entire summer because I thought I might die.

  19. Just tweeted this. You two are stinkin’ awesome. I will never, not ever, poke fun at you again.

  20. LOL!

    Preach, sister, preach!

  21. “We’ll see you winter and we’ll raise you a summer”

    Awesome!

  22. mary

    Hello. Linked to you thru Marla.
    Live in Kansas. Know snow, blizzards and ice storms(without electrcity TEN days two years ago due to ice storm) AND know 112 temps with 90% humidity. We are the state of EXTREME temperature changes and sometimes they happen in the same week.They can even happen in the same day.I have worn short sleeves in the morning and watched the snow start to fall in the late afternoon. And our wind blows always. Always.
    And I would not live anywhere else.
    LOVE my hometown of Hutchinson Kansas.
    Thanks for a darling article!

  23. Nica

    The kids SHRIEKED this South Carolina morning because there were patches of snow scattered around! It looked pretty but the biggest snowball you could manage (with a bit of work) was a crunchy golfball. That’s just about enough for me these days! Give me a day that you just can’t keep up with the drips of your ice cream cone any ole’ time!

  24. Funny, funny, smart and funny! Yesterday, my girls ran around outside all a-giddy with their tongues hanging out trying to capture the four flurries that fell. I think they got ’em all!

  25. OH, my side hurts! As a transplanted southern girl now living in the frigid north with a foot of snow outside my window, I can honestly say I would rather face January up here then August in Texas. Unless I can eat Tex-Mex…then all bets are off.

  26. Haha! That was so hilarious and true! As I sit basking in my nice toasty living room, with -20 degree weather raging outside, I have to admit that you ARE RIGHT! I have lived here my whole life and still have not acclimated to this frigid iceberg of a state. BUT, you see, when it’s a blizzard outside, all I have to do is wear sweaters and turn up the heat and it’s just dandy. Whereas the heat seems inescapable. Snow may be terrifying to drive in, but the killer heat in the South makes me want to melt into a puddle. Or cry. Wish us luck with our journey to New Orleans- I’m a little worried we will die of heat stroke in the first ten minutes.

  27. Jim-Dad

    Hear! Heer! Here!
    I was witcha on this blog. It’s true! I couldn’t stop laughing – and it was tremendous piece of writing. Have you considered doing a whole series on the challenges of sooouuuutherrrrrrn livin’ vs the nawthern kind? Make a good book! I’ll buy one or maybe a dozen for some friends up nawth.

    Keep up and keep warm, you all!

    Jim-Dad

  28. This was SO funny!! And I love the comment about the foil. I went straight to the window this AM & looked out to see… lots of sunshine & dry ground (there was a 2 hour delay for all the schools). I think the only snow we’re going to see is on the cute little snowmen on the bag I won in your giveaway… And they are really cute! I’ve been carrying the bag ever since CPQ delivered it & had so many comments on it. Thanks again. Thanks too for your very well-written challenge. Lookin’ forward to when we can say, “It’s so stinkin’ hot!”

  29. oh my money is on summer all the way……….
    cards on the table
    well played, girls
    well played!

  30. vitascena

    AAAHHHHHH!!!! THANK YOUUUU!! THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYIN! Of course this lil southern girl would neva wish bad on someone! 😉

  31. I would much rather be able to walk on the frozen Niagara Falls rather than have my face melt off in a Georgia summer! God Bless the South!!

    Adam aka Mr. Bears and Belles

    ps–you girls are too funny…that was the funniest thing I’ve ever read..and the ONLY other thing I’ve ever read is “Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing”. Yeah C’mon.

  32. Point taken. I’ll take cold over southern summers ANY DAY.

  33. 34 comments? I never get 34 comments. Trying not to be envious. xxxooo

  34. Jennifer

    So funny! Linked to you via Ms. Candace Chaney & Mrs. CPQ! As a resident of the deep South in Louisiana (same town as Ms. Chaney!) I totally agree! Hilarious post – love it! I actually considered digging through our “ski clothes” this morning to try to dress the family – ha ha! I’ll take a summer day any time over these temperatures. Write on Snoodlings, write on!

  35. Jonelle

    As a transplant to Wisconsin from Texas I can relate to both.
    Even though my heart always belongs to Texas, I must admit I love, Love, LOVE all four seasons!!
    All I really have to say is – How Nice!

  36. As a southern gal I say “Preach it sister!!!”

    Too funny! You actually warmed me up a little with laughter!

  37. Hey Whimzie, I just jumped over here from SCL. I live in Missouri, which is definately a winter state, but it’s like everyone forgets what winter is all about when it comes, so we’re all driving like idiots, acting like its the end of the world when we get an inch of snow.

  38. mary kate

    as a true southerner who now lives in the “north” (aka – ohio). i found this to be completely hysterical. and completely accurate. thanks!

  39. Cindy Moses

    However….
    Even though you do not have all of the snow gear and machinery, all you have to do is wait 12 hours and it will be gone on it’s own. 🙂 Ours will be on the ground until April.

    I love living in the north. We used to go visit family in Dallas in August. Our friends and family would ask, “When are y’all moving back down here?” Easy answer…”Well, at home right now it’s 75 degrees…not 175 degrees.”

    I don’t miss the oppressive heat at all. But, I do miss being hot. For the last two years I think we ran our a/c for a total of 20 days…and that was for humidity, not heat. I do not miss my face melting in to my lap…remember when our perms frizzed to oblivion? Now I have to use three layers of moisturizer during the winter. Your humidity will keep you looking young for much longer…I look like a dried up leaf!!!

    All that to say…the next time you burn the back of your legs on the car seat, just point that car in the direction of Wisconsin and don’t stop until you hear the cows moo. We’ll probably still be using our seat heaters…yes, we have them in one car. 🙂 Stay warm!

  40. Amen, sistahs!!!

    You girls make me snort giggle. Preach on!

  41. Pingback: Snow Day in the South « Snoodlings

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