I’m not sure how long it has been since I blogged. My email inbox is overflowing. My Google Reader is full of blogs I haven’t read. I haven’t been regularly keeping up with most of my Tweeps’ conversations on Twitter. I don’t return all of my friends’ phone calls or texts. I really need and want to respond to many of your words, but I just can’t right now.
Honestly, it’s all I can do to do what I have to do every day. I’m trying to be the mom, wife, daughter, and sister I need to be and I feel like at the end of the day, I have nothing left to be the friend I want to be. I’m also wary of saying too much at times and coming across as ungrateful when I really know how very blessed I am. By the time I’ve weighed all the words I need to use to write the minimum amount for my dad’s CaringBridge updates, I don’t have many words or minutes left to write anywhere else.
My dad isn’t doing very well. Either this is like the story in the Old Testament where Elijah poured buckets and buckets of water on the altar so that when God called down fire no one would doubt that it was anything other than a miracle from His hands or my earthly daddy is going to be with my heavenly One.
So this is what it’s like to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I’ve been on the edges of the valley before with friends and family members but I’ve never walked through this particular part. It’s a dark and ugly place. Although I can hear and sometimes even feel friends encouraging me from just outside the valley, this is a road everyone ends up walking alone.
Well, that’s not right. I’m not alone. Even in the darkest, ugliest parts, I know that God is with me. If I didn’t, I couldn’t do this.
Before he resigned as the minister of music to take over our church’s pastoral care ministry, my dad led our church in worship every week. He was a worship leader before “praise and worship” was cool. Although, unlike many erroneously have believed, my family didn’t sit around the table singing hymns before dinner or practice four-part harmonies like the Von Trapp Family, music is a big part of each of our lives.
Along with my love of music, I’m a “word girl.” I love a well-constructed phrase or a sentence that speaks paragraphs. I like to say words, read words, think them…
So when beautiful music marries the right words, I always want to be invited to the reception. I could type word after word after word today but I’m not sure I’d say a whole lot worth reading. Instead I’m going to post a video of a song that makes my heart say “Amen” right now.
I’m not sure there’s anyone left who even bothers to check if I’ve posted anymore. That’s okay. I started this blog almost exactly one year ago (November 13th, in fact) because Sus had decided to blog and I thought it sounded like fun. I had no idea what I was doing and I still don’t. I certainly didn’t expect to make friends who have turned into sisters. I don’t think it would be overly dramatic to say that this little blog has changed my life, because you, my friends, have changed my life. I am better because I know you. But my focus for the blog has changed, I think. I used to obsessively check my stat counters to see how many people were reading and get excited about how many comments I received, but that just doesn’t seem very important anymore. My reality can be boiled down to one simple fact: All that really matters in life is faith, family, and friends. I’m overabundantly blessed with all three.
So if you’re here and you need to be encouraged with me today, I hope that this song speaks comfort to you, too. Please don’t feel like you have to leave a comment or struggle with what to say to me. It’s okay. I know what you mean and appreciate it greatly.