Shows You Won’t Be Seeing During the New Fall TV Season

After weeks of repeats and lame summer shows, the new fall TV season has finally arrived. Now I could attempt to make you believe that I don’t watch TV. I could say that I’m usually reading Tozer and studying systematic theology but that would be a lie. I have a DVR and I’m not afraid to use it. Plus if I tried to make you think I’m too good to watch TV my Tweeps would probably call me out, especially since yesterday afternoon I engaged in a lengthy discussion with them about all things new-TV-season-related. I normally start the season attempting to watch way more shows than is actually possible. I don’t sweat it because one of two things usually happens. Either the show will turn out to be incredibly lame and I’ll quit watching or I’ll fall madly in love with the show and the network will cancel the show to punish me (Ed, Eli Stone, Life? I’ll always remember the times we had together.)

I think it would be fun to be one of the people who thinks up new ideas for TV shows. I’m sure those peoples have official titles but I don’t know what they’re called. Developers, maybe? I’m pretty sure they don’t write “Person Who Thinks Up New Ideas for TV Shows” on the Occupation line of all the forms they have to fill for their kids at the beginning of the school year. Then again, maybe they do.

If I were a Person Who Thinks Up New Ideas for TV Shows, I might create shows like this:

“Why Not? to Wear”:  Mom tries to explain why every red shirt doesn’t match every pair of red shorts, why wearing the same shirt three days in a row is….gross, and why putting clean clothes in the laundry hamper and dirty clothes back in your drawers makes Mom do that funny cry-talk thing.

“What’s That Smell?”: This is a competition show. Each week a team of players tries to figure out where and what that funky smell is. Did someone forget to turn the disposal on when they scraped the dinner plates? Did someone throw a banana peel in the recyclables can? Did someone forget to put the load from the washer into the dryer? Or does someone need to be a contestant on another great new show….

“You CAN Flush”: This is a motivational show led by a team of psychologists who work with young boys on their quest to become good flushers.  Episodes include “You Are Strong Enough to Push Down That Lever” and “No One Really Wants to See That.”

“Bedtime Survivor”: A battle of wills between parents and children to see who can Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast bedtime. Kids employ techniques such as One More Drink of Water, I Have to Go to the Bathroom, I Forgot That I Need an Egyptian Army Made From Popsicle Sticks and Felt for School Tomorrow, I Think I Have a Hangnail/a Tummyache/Coalmikinosis, and I Think a Dwarf is Trying to Break in Our House and Kidnap Me. Parents resort to Manipulation, Threats, Bribes, and sometimes Tears.

The Dinnerist: This show is a lot like the Mentalist, except instead of trying to help the police solve crimes, the Dinnerist helps Desperate Housewives (the real ones, not the ones who play them on TV on Hysteria Lane) know what they should cook for dinner. In the pilot episode the Dinnerist saves the day by creating a casserole from the only things the housewife had in her kitchen: old sandwich meat, half-and-half, marshmallows, and a can of cream of something.

Twenty Items or Less: We have enough lawyer, crime, and hospital shows. Why not set a show in the place where most moms can relate? The Grocery Store. The show could follow the lives of a group of shoppers who meet weekly in the store to discuss kids, laundry, and which laundry detergent smells the best.

If you were a Person Who Thinks Up New Ideas for TV Shows, what shows would you create?



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15 responses to “Shows You Won’t Be Seeing During the New Fall TV Season

  1. Marie

    Girl, you need to pack your bags right now and fly straight out to Hollywood…I would totally watch your shows!!!

    Hmmm. I suppose, just off the cuff, I would do a Survival show for kids… how to survive getting mail out of the spider infested mailbox, how to successfully communicate with the math sub from India, how to sit with 6 jr high girls at lunch and NOT gossip or be considered a snob, how to scoop poop without throwing up in your mouth…I could really go on and on but I will spare you!

  2. I’d have a spin-off of “You can flush that”. It’d be called, “Your sisters really appreciate it when you lift the seat.”

    And then I’d have a game show. “How many times can David Caruso look over his shades on a single episode of CSI Miami” A spin-off of that one could be “Name that wacky David Caruso one liner”

  3. You had me smiling this morning…

  4. I think you’re on to something here. In fact, I see no reason why you couldn’t start your own show right here on your blog.

  5. um you should totally apply for a job 🙂 I love your ideas — especially the dinnerist — (would they make it for you? cause then i’d totally sign up to be the first person on the show . . . )

    They should do a show about a high school glee club. But without all the inappropriate-ness . . . aren’t I brilliant and creative?

  6. I was a contestant on “Bedtime Survivor” last night! Except it was “throw your paci out and scream” instead of going to the bathroom 15 times. It was still pretty effective.

  7. There is no way I could follow up on your amazing TV line up ideas…mostly because I would have to stop laughing while shaking my head and thinking, “YES!” over and over in my head.

    “You Can Flush” ….classic.

  8. Ahhh, a girl after my own heart.
    I too, start the season watching way more tv than normal. I call it my weeding week. I weed out the ones that I determine will actually be a waste of time. I mean, if I’m going to waste my time, I want to do it with something that is not a waste of time.
    You totally get that, right?

    I must say that NCSI and NCSI LA did not disappoint. Since the new trend is to use acronyms, my show would be titled: HTGTKTB(fg)BGSS
    How to get the kids to bed (for good) before the good shows start

  9. I’m just not that creative! But I have lost the bedtime show more times than I want to recount!

  10. carpoolqueen

    Can we have a show that just has Jimmy Smits, Mark Harmon, Michael Vartan, George Clooney, and all my favorite celebrity crushes on it?

    I don’t care what they call it….

  11. I think you’d make a great show developer….I like the flushing show. We’d be watching that over here!

  12. Girl, I can’t top your show ideas. The flushing one is a great one. Although ours would include Be Sure You Used Toilet Paper Before You Forgot To Flush.

    And I like New Every Morning’s idea…How To Get The Kids In Bed Before the Good Shows Start….
    Yep…that’s a keeper, right there!

  13. Hope

    My favorite, You CAN flush, has so many spin-off possibilities! You too, can put on a new roll! or Staying inside the lines (or bowl) or There’s a reason for the air-freshener spray.
    Seriously, I know what you should be when you grow up, a writer for tv shows.

  14. Brandy

    Oh my! You had me laughing out loud! The only addition I have is Yes you CAN Pull Up Your Pants -it’s an episode on Yes You CAN Flush The Toilet. Oh you are a funny girl.

  15. Seriously, you are so ding dang funny!!!

    I’ve DVR’d ALL of those shows you mentioned…there’s a new one at our house called “D/C?…You Decide!” It’s a competition show where contestants must dig through mounds of clothes and decide what’s clean and what’s dirty…it’s crazy!

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