Happy Birthday to Me

It’s my birthday today. Not the anniversary of the day that I was born, but the anniversary of the day that I asked Jesus into my heart.  My dad has been a minister for longer than I have been alive so for a long time I didn’t know that people could actually decide not to go to church. I don’t remember not knowing Bible stories. I don’t know when I first heard that Jesus died on the cross,  but on September 18th, 1975, when I was five years old, my first grade teacher told that familiar story in a way that my heart heard for the first time.

For the first time, I realized that I was actually part of that story even though I wasn’t there when it happened.. Jesus died on the cross, not because He had done anything wrong, but because I had. He died for me. He wants to have a personal relationship with me. He wants me to live with Him forever. That day, I knelt with my teacher at her desk and asked Jesus to forgive me for my mistakes and I entered into a forever relationship with Him.

It’s been a wild and crazy ride.

Today I was thinking about all that has happened in that relationship that started thirty-four years ago. I was thinking specifically about the last nine months.  As I was thinking, I imagined a giant white board on which I had written all the information I know about God and my faith….my theology, if you will. Over the past few weeks and months, I feel like  a giant eraser has wiped the whole board clean. I have re-thought and questioned every thing I’ve ever believed….from Creation to the  End of Time.

Having your board wiped clean is scary. And unsettling. And a little frustrating. Several times I’ve started to rewrite what I think I believe and know on my board, but I just can’t. Instead, I’ve handed God my marker and I want Him to write on it whatever He wants to write. Want to know what He’s written so far?

I

LOVE

YOU

So simple, so basic, and yet those three one-syllable words are beyond my comprehension. I could spend the rest of my life trying to scratch the surface of what that one sentence means. I thought that by this point in my spiritual journey I would be pondering deeper, loftier truths, but right now I can’t get beyond the knowledge that God loves me. I thought that after almost four decades as a Christ follower I would be a little more together, but honestly, I’m a mess. But that’s really okay with me because I know that God is working in my life. Like I told a friend yesterday, I’m a peaceful wreck.

Why?

Because although not being in control of my own life was scary at first, the crazier life has become, the more relieved I am that I’m not the one in charge of this mess.

I resisted strongly at first. He has drawn me closer and closer to Him and I have pushed Him away. Why would He continue to pursue me? Why, when after all this time, I’m so far from who He created me to be, wouldn’t He just leave me to my own devices?

Why?

Read my board.

He loves me.

I’m so glad His love is true. I’m so glad that I’ve had thirty-four years in His family. I don’t know what else He’s planning to write on my board, but I’m ready. As my Jewish friends observe Rosh Hashanah today, a day of remembrance and repentance and the beginning of a new year, I am also remembering what God has done in my life, returning to the path He has made for me, and am expectantly awaiting His touch in my life as we begin this new season together.

I was so excited when I  heard Kirk Franklin’s remake of the Earth, Wind, and Fire song “September” because first, I love that song, but second, it fits my birthday perfectly. In celebration of today, I’ll leave you with this song to get my birthday party started. I double dog dare you to be still while you watch this:

Happy Weekend! and Happy Birthday to me!

Advertisements

18 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

18 responses to “Happy Birthday to Me

  1. Happy Birthday (to the most important day for all of us!) So glad you celebrate it!

  2. what an incredible post!

    happy, happy birthday to you.

    and thank you for letting us look at your board.

    totally touching my heart in ways you can’t even know.

  3. Happy Day you met the Lord….your Re-Birth Day!!!!

    You know I love that song!!!! Sing it sister!

  4. You said so perfectly what I have been feeling, can’t wait to see what else He writes on your board. Happy Birthday!
    Here is a song I dare you to watch!

  5. Whimz, I LOVE this post! I love that you know your birthday – even though you were so young when you made your decision. (That’s the children/youth minister in me). I love the white board analogy. It makes perfect sense to my visual brain. I love that you have found peace in your storm.

    Happy 34th Birthday!

  6. I liked this… Happy Birthday!

  7. Happiest of Happy Birthdays!

    Thirty-four years! This is the first time I can say that I wish I was that old.

    I’m of to watch that video!

  8. Love this! 🙂 Isn’t it the best when that’s what He writes!

    Happy bday!

  9. Happy b’day, my friend. He’s so big, isn’t He? I’m still amazed each day at how big–& will never get it completely, I’m sure. But it’s okay bc He loves me, too.

  10. Happy Birthday, Friend. I love how even though we may have been raised in church, our salvation stories are no less significant than those of radical conversions. Because HE loves us, and we don’t deserve it. ‘Nuff said.

  11. Love. This. Post.
    Happy Birthday, Whimzie!!

  12. Happy Birthday, Amy!

    I loved this post. And love that God pursues your heart because he LOVES you.

    So glad your dad is home. I’ve been praying for you guys.

  13. Sandy M.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! I wish that I had written down the date (& at 28, you’d think I would have had the sense to do that!) of my spiritual birthday. But God knows the exact date & I’m so thankful that He has continued to pursue me throughout the last 34 years! There have been times in my spiritual life, that like you, I questioned everything I was sure I knew, & could only cling to God by the same thought: He LOVES me! So many times I’ve thought “How could He love me & why would He? But the answer to that is He can because HE IS GOD, & He does because He CHOOSES to do so. How awesome!!! I’m still praying for you & your family!

  14. carpoolqueen

    There’s so much truth in those three little words.

    Happy Birthday, friend.

  15. Marie

    Happy Birthday! What an honest and sweet love story!

  16. Deb

    Whimz,

    I feel the love.

    Yours for Him.

    His for you.

    And for your dad.

    Praying. Praying. Praying.

    Sweet dreams.

  17. Pingback: Who Were You Born to Be? « Snoodlings

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s