10 on the 10th: Kentucky Simile Edition

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Well, I just barely made it in time to do 10 on the 10th! I spent most of the day in the kitchen: cleaning, sorting, organizing. I’m trying to work through one room at a time, getting ready for our upcoming move: the not-sure-when, still not-officially-sure-where moving adventure. (yay, adventure! sigh.)

I had originally planned to list random things that I wonder for no apparent reason. For example, I wonder if I should make a plan for if I’m ever in a coma that one of my best friends will be sure to tweeze my eyebrows so that they don’t run down and meet my eyelashes. And make sure I don’t get trailer trash roots. I mean, it’s important to look your best, even if you’re in a coma. Please don’t ask me why I’ve wondered if I should make these arrangements. I have no earthly idea why I think of the things I do. When I told K about my random list of wonderings he suggested this list instead. 

So, tonight I proudly bring you:

Ten Funny Things My Sweet Kentucky-Native Mother-in-Law Says on a Regular Basis:

1. Ugly as a mud fence.

    (I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a mud fence, but apparently they are not much to look at.)

2. Dumb as a bag of hammers.

3. Dumb as a box of rocks.

   (I don’t know why hammers come in bags and rocks come in boxes.)

4. Dead as Julius Caesar.

    (That would indeed be dead. Would it be more dead than Moses though?)

5. Nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

6. Drunk as Cooter Brown.

    (I have no idea who Cooter Brown is/was.)

7. Katie, bar the door!

    (As in “Watch out, here comes trouble!” It’s not a simile, but she says it a lot!)

8. Finer than frog hair.

    (I was unaware that frogs had hair.)

9. Slick as a ribbon.

And my personal favorite:

10. As useless as hip pockets on a girdle.

So do any of your mothers-in-law speak in similes?

Speaking of similes, I’m as full as a tick. My husband and I had a date too night and I think this feeling I’m experiencing right this minute? It just might be gluttony. And I’m as tired as a….as a person who’s too tired to think of a witty simile, so I think I’ll close now. I hope you all have a restful night and wake up to a beautiful morning! For more 10 on the 10th, be sure to visit my friend Meredith at life@7000feet!

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25 Comments

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25 responses to “10 on the 10th: Kentucky Simile Edition

  1. carpoolqueen

    My grandmother used to say “It’s hotter than making love in August.” SCANDALOUS, but it cracked me up every.stinking.time.

  2. I don’t think I’ve ever heard any of these. My favorite is #7, and I think I need my own version of it for the trouble that’s always comin’ around here.

    My grandma always says things like, “as the cliche goes. . . ” and then she says a “cliche” that absolutely no one has ever heard. She just makes them up, and they change all the time. I love her for it.

  3. Marie

    Oh, it is a good thing you live so far away…I always punch my husband in his bicep when he says the tick one. It brings back horrible memories of my childhood dog by the name of Chipper. Only in the summer we called her Ticker. Nasty!! I think I will try to throw a couple of these similes in to casual conversation over the next few days just to see the response. Should be fun!

  4. Oh, my stars and garters! What a mighty fine list. I do believe I’ve said nearly all of them at some time in my life.

  5. I love this list. I think it is a Southern thing, because we just insert these goofy phrases into almost every one of our sentences, whether they make sense or not.

    Just the other day, I said, “It’s hotter than Christmas.” It took me about 2 hours to realize that it isn’t hot at Christmas.

    I would be that bag of hammers.

  6. Oh dear, these are hilarious! H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!

    My mother in law says things like “over yonder” or “haven’t seen him in a month of Sundays” or “Walmarts” or “the Walmart”. My kids were laughing not long ago because she told Will that his shorts were “groovy”. I get tickled at her because when she writes/emails, she puts LOTS of things in “quotes”. Just like “I” did throughout this comment.
    “Oh my”.

  7. Your MIL sounds like she must be a hoot!

    Those are all so funny!

    Your husband thought of a good topic…although I wouldn’t mind hearing the other 9 things that you find yourself wondering about!

    I’ve never even thought about the arrangements that would need to be made for my eyebrows if I were to find myself in a coma!

    I’m such a slacker like that! 🙂

  8. Geez Louise!! I’m needing a Depends myself I’m laughing so hard!!!

    I’ve heard EVERY one of these!!

    CPQ’s Grandma’s is indeed SCANDALOUS but made.me.holler!

  9. I love your kentucky born MIL! Those are some of the funniest sayings I’ve ever heard. I’m going to start using…#7.

    Not sure people will know what I’m talking about, but I’m going to use it!

  10. Oh, I think 5 is a good time to introduce Shirley Temple!

    Keep in mind, though, that they were made in the ’30s so the entire movie might not keep her attention. The tap dancing scenes are fun though, and she is about 5 or 6 when they were made.

    I like “Curly Top” and “Bright Eyes” the best.

  11. That is absoultely hilarious. I tried to imagine my MIL speaking phrases like that and I just can’t see her doing it.

    I may hand her this list and have her say them for me just so I can get the satisfaction of hearing her say them…and a good laugh at that.

    So you say you went to school with my husband…college or high school? Small world, huh?

  12. LOL funny list! I haven’t heard any except #7 – which we use around here plenty. My dad’s favorite is “Serious as a heart attack.” We also say, “Dead as a doornail.” Not sure what that means, but apparently it is very dead.

    I think we are living the same life – but is separate locations. I’m going room by room, cleaning out JUNK!! For some reason hubby hasn’t gotten on board with the whole thing. I’ll tell the job location when it is officially ours – after the vote. Maybe I’ll take teaser pictures and post mean, “I know something you don’t know” blogs. 🙂

  13. From my Chris…

    “Slicker than possum puke on a hick’ry limb.”
    “Slicker than dog snot on a doorknob”
    “You need that like a boar needs tits.” (Sorry, I even hate typing that one…)
    “Went through ’em like fat through a goose.”

  14. Oh, my…makes me feel good to hear “family talk” and such. I wonder if she’s ever seen anything as dark as the inside of a cow, or crooked as a dog’s hind leg.

    I’m behind on my bloggy reading, but I hope your date was fab. Heard you enjoyed dessert, and that always makes my heart happy.

  15. Thank you for sharing!! I’ve heard (and said) most of yours and the ones in the comments. Makes me feel like I’ve had a trip back home! New Englanders just don’t have that same sense of verbal poetry. 🙂

  16. Oh … the language of southernese . .. how I do LOVE it!!! My MIL always says “shoot a goose” or “whichever way the mop flops.” I find myself saying these things a lot too! You know, I southern born and bred . . . and I’m wondering now too. . . who the heck is Cooter Brown? Maybe is on wikipedia?

  17. These are great! Sounds like your mother-in-law is a lot of fun!

  18. Yay Whimsie, you won a Zonderkidz book, “Dance Me, Daddy.” Please email me your address.

    Congratulations!

  19. deb

    First visit to your blog…

    Just want to let you know that Cooter Brown may live/have lived somewhere in Alabama at one time.
    I’ve heard that expression all of my life, and folks around here still use it.

    Love that list.

  20. deb

    First visit to your blog…

    Just want to let you know that Cooter Brown may live/have lived somewhere in Alabama at one time.
    I’ve heard that expression all of my life, and folks around here still use it.

    Love that list.

  21. Pingback: Why Can’t We All Just Live in the Sunroom?! « Snoodlings

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