What a week! Have you ever had a week where one minute you’re having major deep thoughts that would be over Socrates’s head and the next minute you can’t think of enough words to make a complete sentence (less Socrates, more Bill and Ted)? That would be my week.
The word “broken” has played over and over in my mind (like a broken record, I guess). I’m still working through what I’m supposed to take away practically from those thoughts, but in the meantime, I can just tell you that my heart has been broken for friends and friends of friends who are hurting right now. Did the world have this much hurt a few months ago or am I just more in tune with what other people are feeling these days?
We don’t use the word “hate” that often at our house, but I truly hate cancer. I hate that it is hurting my family, the Simmons’ family, my friend’s sister, my friend’s father, my friend’s son…..I could keep going, but there’s no need. You have your own list, I’m sure. Add to that the people who are hurting for reasons other than cancer, and I honestly think I could start praying for a different hurting friend the minute I wake up and not run out of prayer concerns by the end of the day. Life is brutal, man. So I feel a little broken this week.
I’m also approaching a big season of busyness. We’re moving somewhere in just over a month. As much as I don’t want to do it, it’s time to start going through all the stuff we’ve accumulated and begin the “weeding out” process. We also have quite a few items on our “Things to Do in Boston” list. So, life is speeding up a little over the next few weeks.
Finally, I’ve decided I need to be a little more present in my own life. I read a blog post just over a week ago that stepped on my toes just a little bit. It was just what my toes needed. I’ve been thinking about the boundaries I’ve set in my own life. Unfortunately, I have a tendency toward addiction. I have to be very proactive and diligent about setting limits for myself. When left to my own devices, I can sit in front of this computer for hours on end. That’s not healthy and I can miss out on my own life in the process. This is the last summer my children will ever be five and eight years old. This will be the last summer that I’ll be 39 years old. This will be the last summer that my husband and I will have been married for thirteen years. I don’t want to miss one minute of it.
But I also believe that God has given me some amazing friendships through this crazy little blog. This was a totally unexpected gift. Although it’s hard to explain to people who have never experienced it (the ones who look at me like I just joined a Dungeon and Dragons group or met my new best friends through eHarmony.com), I can honestly say that I am experiencing some blessedly special friendships that I would not trade as a result of my entry into Blogburg. We pray for each other, encourage each other, cry with each other, laugh with each other, meal plan with each other, and spur one another towards love and good deeds…I’m thankful. And I will still be around. I just won’t be around as much as I have been.
I’m curious and would like to discuss this further with you all over the next few weeks: How do your family and closest friends feel about the time you spend in the blog world? Are they indifferent? Supportive? Does your husband read your blog? What does the think about the friendships you’ve made here? I think K understands that writing here has been very therapeutic for me and he is supportive of what I do and the friendships I’ve made. I take them seriously so he does, too. I do think, however, that I could easily reach a point where he would not understand the amount of time I was spending in front of the computer, especially if it began to take away from my role as a wife and mother and the keeper of our home. I’d really love to hear what you all have to say on this topic.
I was manically posting for a few weeks, I think maybe to distract myself from my own life. I’ll still be posting, I’ll just probably pause before I hit the publish button. My friends here may not even be able to notice a major difference. Hopefully I will.
Thank you all so much for providing ears for my voice. I like it here. I like getting to know you and do this thing called “life” with you all. I just want to do it a little better than I have been lately.
And now hopefully I’ll have more time to work on my silly walk: