Of Brokenness, Busyness, and Boundaries

What a week!  Have you ever had a week where one minute you’re having major deep thoughts that would be over Socrates’s head and the next minute you can’t think of enough words to make a complete sentence (less Socrates, more Bill and Ted)? That would be my week.

The word “broken” has played over and over in my mind (like a broken record, I guess). I’m still working through what I’m supposed to take away practically from those thoughts, but in the meantime, I can just tell you that my heart has been broken for friends and friends of friends who are hurting right now. Did the world have this much hurt a few months ago or am I just more in tune with what other people are feeling these days?

We don’t use the word “hate” that often at our house, but I truly hate cancer. I hate that it is hurting my family, the Simmons’ family, my friend’s sister, my friend’s father, my friend’s son…..I could keep going, but there’s no need. You have your own list, I’m sure. Add to that the people who are hurting for reasons other than cancer, and I honestly think I could start praying for a different hurting friend the minute I wake up and not run out of prayer concerns by the end of the day.  Life is brutal, man. So I feel a little broken this week.

I’m also approaching a big season of busyness. We’re moving somewhere in just over a month. As much as I don’t want to do it, it’s time to start going through all the stuff we’ve accumulated and begin the “weeding out” process. We also have quite a few items on our “Things to Do in Boston” list. So, life is speeding up a little over the next few weeks.

Finally, I’ve decided I need to be a little more present in my own life. I read a blog post just over a week ago that stepped on my toes just a little bit. It was just what my toes needed. I’ve been thinking about the boundaries I’ve set in my own life. Unfortunately, I have a tendency toward addiction. I have to be very proactive and diligent about setting limits for myself. When left to my own devices, I can sit in front of this computer for hours on end. That’s not healthy and I can miss out on my own life in the process. This is the last summer my children will ever be five and eight years old. This will be the last summer that I’ll be 39 years old. This will be the last summer that my husband and I will have been married for thirteen years. I don’t want to miss one minute of it.

But I also believe that God has given me some amazing friendships through this crazy little blog. This was a totally unexpected gift. Although it’s hard to explain to people who have never experienced it (the ones who look at me like I just joined a Dungeon and Dragons group or met my new best friends through eHarmony.com), I can honestly say that I am experiencing some blessedly special friendships that I would not trade as a result of my entry into Blogburg. We pray for each other, encourage each other, cry with each other, laugh with each other, meal plan with each other, and spur one another towards love and good deeds…I’m thankful. And I will still be around. I just won’t be around as much as I have been. 

I’m curious and would like to discuss this further with you all over the next few weeks: How do your family and closest friends feel about the time you spend in the blog world? Are they indifferent? Supportive? Does your husband read your blog? What does the think about the friendships you’ve made here? I think K understands that writing here has been very therapeutic for me and he is supportive of what I do and the friendships I’ve made. I take them seriously so he does, too. I do think, however, that I could easily reach a point where he would not understand the amount of time I was spending in front of the computer, especially if it began to take away from my role as a wife and mother and the keeper of our home.  I’d really love to hear what you all have to say on this topic.

I was manically posting for a few weeks, I think maybe to distract myself from my own life. I’ll still be posting, I’ll just probably pause before I hit the publish button. My friends here may not even be able to notice a major difference. Hopefully I will.

Thank you all so much for providing ears for my voice. I like it here. I like getting to know you and do this thing called “life” with you all. I just want to do it a little better than I have been lately.

And now hopefully I’ll have more time to work on my silly walk:

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13 Comments

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13 responses to “Of Brokenness, Busyness, and Boundaries

  1. That little girl has my heart and prayers….I hate the c word. I did not make it a capital c because it does not deserve it. I’ll stop there on that subject…too much too say,too little space.

    The other subject…blogging. I just drafted a very similar post on that same subject. I can get far too caught up in my blog reading, time that I can not get back. My thoughts and actions are hurried and not always present. Y’know? Again, I’ll stop there….I have much to say ont that subject. We all have different lives, but are all very much the same as well.

  2. I get teased a bit that I am back in my virtual world, but truthfully hubby has seen that it has given me an outlet for writing, which I love to do. It has also made me not feel so far from home. One click and I am in Arkansas or Tennessee or Singapore. Also, it helps me see the humor, and sometimes, see the Lord, in things rather than getting depressed. Now when a woman screams at me for not putting snowsuits on my kids when it is 70 degrees outside, I smile and think, “I am blogging you, lady.” I am so glad we’ve reconnected. I always liked you so much.

  3. Ahh..the “C” word! It’s devastating, to say the least, when you hear of someone having it. My mom has been cancer free for 7 years now..praise the Lord. So, I know all too well how much somebody goes through in battling this.

    Girl, I hear ya on the blog time! My husband is pretty understanding about it because he knows how much I love it. My “in real life” friends read it once in a great while. I think blogging is something you’re into if you do it yourself. Not that many people like to read..LOL.

  4. You are right, it can be seriously overwhelming when we think of all of the pain that surrounds us. I will remember this precious little girl, as well as your family, in my prayers.

    You are right, also, about how the computer can suck hours right out of our days if we allow it to.

    I do want to keep up my blog as an online scrapbook, but I have to set limits for myself, or I get sucked waaaayyy in!

  5. It seems that everyone has been really thinky and quiet this week. Isn’t it funny how themes seem to run through all of our lives, like seasons? I tend to go through manic phases of self-absorbtion, where I let things go, think of things with all hilarity, and can find rainbows at just about every turn. And then there are seasons, like now, where quiet is okay. Where I push the computer away and am okay with it. And where I realize that the people around me are hurting.

    Blogging is great therapy for me. And my real life friends and family read my blog. But, my friendships that have developed with women that I’ve never met in real life are what are most precious to me about the blogosphere. And for that, I’m so grateful. The husband is supportive, because he knows the importance it holds for me, although he doesn’t quite understand it. And my real life friends don’t quite understand it either.

    Praying for you and your family, Whimz. You got big stuff going on, but our Jesus is bigger. For sure.

  6. You and your dear ones will be in my prayers.

    You are not alone. Blogging can become addictive. However to me, blogging is the journal that talks back, lending support through the highs and lows.

    Hang in there.

  7. I think we’re all pretty sick of hearing the word cancer, lately…not that I’m not honored to pray (and will include this sweetie, too), it’s just…well…brutal, as you say. I’ve been feeling heavy, to, because i have no tangible comfort i can give. Cancer, or any number of yuck things force us all into total submission to faith. As much as i should welcome that as a Christian, and on some levels do welcome it, my pride gets in the way. I want the father, child, sister, friend, etc. & his/her family to feel better now. To have strength & healing NOW. To have his/her miracle NOW.

    Still, i pray. And repent for this pride thing. And bathe in His hope.

    As for the social network thang…I have another “b” word, which has been elusive to me: balance. I’ll email you further, but have hijacked long enough.

    Thank the good Lord we don’t have to get this all together in one day.

  8. So much pain in this world. I’m so glad that God is bigger than it…even when it doesn’t feel like it, He is. Driving in the car today this song came on. Sometimes it feels like all there’s left to do is focus on who God is. Period.

    Phillips Craig & Dean – You Are God Alone

    You are not a god
    Created by human hands
    You are not a god
    Dependant on any mortal man
    You are not a god
    In need of anything we can give
    By Your plan, that’s just the way it is

    You are God alone
    From before time began
    You were on Your throne
    Your are God alone
    And right now
    In the good times and bad
    You are on Your throne
    You are God alone

    You’re the only God
    Whose power none can contend
    You’re the only God
    Whose name and praise will never end
    You’re the only God
    Who’s worthy of everything we can give
    You are God
    And that’s just the way it is

    Unchangeable
    Unshakable
    Unstoppable
    That’s what You are

    About the blogging…this week I stepped back too. And some emotions about it are a little raw still. But in answer to your questions…no, it’s not totally understood by those in my life who don’t do it themselves. and yes, I have to be really careful, which is why I stepped back a little this week. I’m ashamed to say, there’s been spurts where it DID take away from my care of my family and home. And I NEVER want that to happen again. My main, God given role right now is in caring for my husband and children. And above all, I need to not neglect my relationship w/ my Saviour. However, I LOVE the people I’ve met, the encouragement, the laughter, the depth, and the outlet I have through my blog, so I won’t give it up…but I’ve been (in the process for about a month or so) evaluating and coming up with some boundaries for myself as well.

    …still praying for you and your family…

    that comment was way longer than I intended. Sorry.:)

  9. I have so much to say about this post, Amy.

    I’m heavy hearted for all you’ve mentioned. I hate cancer.

    And about blogging…it’s a distraction for me, and not always a good one.

    I love it, but I struggle to keep up with my own blog and everyone else’s.

    Like I said, I have much to say, but I can’t even formulate my thoughts at the moment. I’ll be back.

  10. It’s ‘funny’ that everyone has more thoughts than they can even articulate or write here…and I agree.

    I’m not sure that this week that “hate” is even a proper description for what I feel about cancer…that sounds too nice.

    My heart is aching for that precious girl…I will definitely be praying for her!

  11. Putting sweet Maggie and her family on my prayer list…which unfortunately, is getting longer and longer by the day.

    You know, after four years of blogging, I have run this circle over and over: having to remind myself that the blog (and other social media) is not here for me to serve, its’ here to serve me.

    But honestly, I have to balance that with everything for instance: Homeschool curriculums—they are there to guide me, not to force me into a schedule…..Exercise/Running: meant to build me up, not to be enslaved.

    As far as what my family and friends think regarding the blog…The Mister is supportive and understands my need both for the creative outlet and fellowship.

    THe hardest part for me is that I have had to make consistent effort to not text or glance at the computer when with the kids, because they are very sensitive while I spend time with them. And I NEVER want them to think I would choose idle chatter texting over my time with them. I often fail in this area, but in the last several weeks have really given it a great deal of effort….life is just too short!

    Lastly, just want you to know that I can feel your concern over the next few months: moving and changing jobs, and getting settled in a new place (even if the new place is one you’ve lived in before) is hard. It’s especially hard when you are carrying the burdens you carry today….be sure to extend yourself some grace….and remember you’ve got your bloggerland peeps praying like crazy.

  12. carpoolqueen

    I haven’t commented up until now because I took a blog break over the weekend to get back into balance. So I hear ya’….

  13. It seems these things you’re talking about are a theme in my world right now. The cancer, the busyness, the imbalance, it’s all so much. I just watched the season premiere of Jon and Kate Plus 8 and my heart is so heavy for that family and others with struggles in their marriage. Life is hard, and I can’t imagine doing it in front of cameras.

    My husband rarely reads my blog, and he doesn’t understand the friendships I’ve made through it, but he is supportive. His frustration comes when I get down on myself b/c it seems everyone else’s lives are so much better or easier. I’ve found blogging to be a dangerous place for someone who can be insecure. But like you said it can be a distraction from our own lives. It just shouldn’t be to our or anyone else’s detriment.

    Thank you for the encouragement to pause.

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