So, do any of you read MckMama’s blog? If you do and you’re a fairly regular reader, you’re probably familiar with “Not Me Mondays.” Most Mondays, MckMama writes a post that includes embarrassing things that she may have done during the week. In order to save face, she pretends that she didn’t do the things she did. Confused yet?
Well, not long ago, I had a chance to take breakfast to a new friend (whom I’d never actually met) whose little boy was sick and had to be hospitalized. I went by Panera and picked up a breakfast sandwich and a bottle of water. I left the meal in a bag at the front desk of the hospital for her to pick up at her convenience.
I most certainly did NOT accidentally leave her my half-used water bottle. If I HAD, Firstborn would certainly not have pulled out a full, unopened bottle of water from my bag at the park later that weekend forcing me to realize my gaffe. I would NEVER later have offered to take this same new friend (who was new to our area and without transportation) to run a few errands and then become lost in downtown Boston. How embarrassing would that have been? I would only do that if I were too busy running my mouth to pay attention to the GPS lady with the Aussie accent shouting the correct instructions to me. Come on, give me a break! I can follow instructions and I’m much better at making first impressions than THAT. UPDATED TO ADD: And later, when she asked me for my home phone number, I would have given it to her quickly and gladly. I mean, it’s not like I would forget my own telephone number, right? I mean who would actually say, “I’ll have to wait for my husband to get home because I know HE knows what it is”? Who would ask their five- and eight-year olds if they remembered any of the number? Not me! Even though I do move and change telephone numbers more often than many people change their underwear. Nope, not me!
You know what else I wouldn’t do? I wouldn’t forget to put the vanilla in the no-bake cookies and then just wipe a dab of vanilla on the top of each one with my finger. Even if I had freshly washed hands, I wouldn’t do that! That’s just weird. I have mad kitchen skillz so that would never be me. That’s why I would never try out a brand new honey wheat roll recipe on a friend I hadn’t seen in eight years. If I had, the rolls would probably have looked like the musket shot we saw on our history tours last week and would have been just as hard. I’m way too much of a culinary whiz kid for something like that to happen to me.
Because I’m such a “with it” housekeeper I would NEVER forget about the load of whites that I put in the washer….three days ago….while my mother-in-law is here to make note of my housekeeping prowess. No, that would be disgusting. My laundry is always washed, dried, folded, and put away with haste and cheerfulness. That’s just how I roll.
And because I’m the hostess with the mostest, the tour guide extraordinaire, and the best daughter-in-law ever, I would NEVER misread the map on our tour of the Battle Road in Concord this weekend and take us down the wrong trail that leads to nowhere. If I had been that inept, I would have certainly noticed my mistake before forcing my 81-year-old mother-in-law (who has an appointment with the orthopedic surgeon when she gets home to discuss possible knee replacement) to walk an extra mile and a half. The directions said to go west and the sun was setting right at that time, so I would have definitely known which way to go before random strangers that I asked on the trail had to tell me differently!
I don’t know who you think you saw doing those crazy things around here, but it was most certainly NOT ME!
(This will probably be a one-time participation in the “Not Me Mondays” carnival because that is probably the sum of all the embarrassing things I will do this year.)