….then come sit by me! That wasn’t what I was going to say really. Although I feel like I’m channeling Ouiser this week. I know, I know; Clairee, not Ouiser, said that line in Steel Magnolias and what she actually said was, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me.” Now that we have that straight, I really didn’t come here to discuss “Steel Magnolias” with you. I was actually thinking of the advice, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all,” when that reminded me of the “Steel Magnolias” quote and somehow I’ve now gone off on a tangent of some sort. Does anyone else but me think of “tangerines” when someone says “tangent”? No? Never mind.
It’s not that I can’t think of anything nice to say. My last post was a Gladitude one, for Pete’s sake. I am blessed beyond measure. I have plenty of reasons to be grateful and joyful and on top of the world. I also have a few reasons to take a step back and just acknowledge my reality right now. No one’s life is free from challenges, and I’m certainly no exception to the rule.
I am not depressed. I’m not without hope. I don’t need a new poem, Bible verse, or encouraging song. By the way, I’m not opposed to any of those…not at all. It’s just that over the past four or more months, I’ve read a LOT of poems, Bible verses, and encouraging songs. Next week, I may be looking for new poems, Bible verses, and encouraging songs. Not this week. My tank is full.
Although I can’t adequately describe my state of being this week, I can list all of its most likely causes. I blame everything from an excess of rainy, cloudy days to the fact that I tend to go into a little bit of a funk right before a move. I have to unplug from this life in this city, and start charging up for a new life in a different city. My process is complicated by the fact that we still don’t know for sure into which city we’ll be plugging ourselves next. Wherever it is, I also have to get a firm grip on the reality that this time next year? If everything happens on schedule? I’ll be preparing for another move to who knows where for another year, or maybe two next time. God’s been faithful through every other move. I know without a shadow of a doubt He’s already showing His faithfulness in this move. We’ll be fine.
My family is adjusting to a new normal. We know that life as we used to know it is forever changed. We’ll always have an MRI in our future. Because of the nature of my dad’s diagnosis, we won’t get to throw a party this side of the heaven and rejoice in the knowledge that my dad is totally and completely cancer-free. This cancer eventually comes back. Even if God miraculously heals my dad and his doesn’t? We will always have one more scan to be sure. Every few months from now on, we have at least one more test. So, we are learning to be thankful for this day. We’re trusting God for this day. We’re believing and asking Him for this day. Just the one we’re living in right now. And He’ll be faithful to get us through this day.
Like all of the rest of you, I have a lot on my plate. This week, I’ve felt like stepping away from the table for just a few minutes. I know, I know. No dessert until I clean my plate. I’ll finish it. One bite at a time. One day at a time.
So, right now, I can’t plan a trip for later this summer because I don’t even know what to choose as my departure airport. I can’t buy tickets to the U2 concert this fall because I don’t know which venue would be closest or how many tickets it would be safe to buy. But it’s okay. It really is. It’s just a new “normal” that I’m adjusting to slowly but surely.
I don’t think I’ve ever been “here” before. I’ve been clinically depressed. I’ve been over-the-top happy. I’ve been lots of places in between, but I’m not sure I’ve ever exactly been right here, though. Have any of you? I don’t think I’ll hang anything on the walls just yet. I don’t think I’ll be here long. (I just noticed that according to this picture I took from Google Images, “Here” is some place called Nunhead. I am positive that I am NOT here.)