I met Carpool Queen (CPQ) our sophomore year of college. Neither of us remembers exactly how we became friends, but by our senior year we were inseparable. We haven’t lived in the same city since we graduated from college, but thanks to email, Myspace, Facebook, IM, SMS, and now Twitter, we easily spend more time “together” than we do with our friends that actually live in the same cities we do.
My computer is in the little sitting area connected to my kitchen. I’m in and out of this room most of the day, so CPQ and I keep up a continual IM session throughout our daily happenings. Now before any of you call Child Protective Services or start a fund for marriage counseling, we aren’t sitting at the computer all day and night IMing each other. Our conversations come in bits and pieces over the course of the day and evening as time permits. Instead of playing Pathwords on Facebook, we IM each other. Anyway, a few weeks ago, CPQ posted some excerpts from some our chats. I don’t know about anyone else, but it made me laugh. Out loud even.
I was processing deep thoughts about some major life events last night and needed a break and some levity, so I pulled up an old chat from a couple of weeks ago. It made me laugh, which felt good, and since it’s Casual Friday, I thought I’d share it with you. We don’t IM our chats to be published, but reading the transcript of our little talk gives me great insight into why we’ve been friends for twenty-one years.
ME: Good morning, Sunshine! What’s shakin’, bacon?
CPQ: Oh, you’re perky.
ME: I know!
CPQ: Two exclamation points and it’s not even 9. This is the earliest I’ve been up in two weeks.
ME: I have no earthly idea why I’m so Odie this morning.
CPQ: Maybe it’ll be contagious. I feel my spirit’s rising as I type. Did I tell you I’ve already had company this morning?
ME: Shut up!
CPQ: And I was in my pjs and no bra?
ME: The Omaha Steak people? Since you told them they can’t call anymore they decided to stop by?
CPQ: No – a real person – a male.
ME: The suspense is killing me here…
CPQ: And my beloved knew he was coming and let me sit in all my glory at the kitchen table.
ME: That’s grounds for a fight.
CPQ: His buddy came by to pick him up for golf and of course, he just walks in….and the house is a DISASTER
ME: Thanks for the warning, Craig-O!
CPQ: He had half an hour to warn me.
ME: Is tonight date night? He’ll pay. If someone walked in my house right this minute I’d throw up.
CPQ: Looking back, I think I might should have picked up a clue because I got up early (too much snoring) and made coffe and I said, “I made coffee” and he said, “A full pot?”
ME: Hinted and didn’t tell?!
CPQ: It was too early for me to be picking up subtlety.
ME (appearing simultaneously with CPQ’s above entry):Clues don’t work before 9, he should know that. Exactly. Jinx-ish
CPQ: I need coffee before subtle, and it was brewing.
ME: So how will he pay? Did he get a nasty scowl he won’t soon forget?
CPQ: Oh, there will be a refresher course.
ME: At least?
CPQ: We’ll discuss over dinner, which I don’t know where it’ll be, but I’m sure it’ll be expensive.
ME: Amen, sister. Grocery store again tonight? Have you guys ever thought of branching out to, say, a book store?
CPQ: I think I’m groceried out. Besides, we’re leaving tomorrow, so no sense in bringing stuff home. AND we did branch out last time. We did grocery and Books a Million. I so thought of you.
ME: They don’t have BAM here.
CPQ: I think I want to see Duplicity.
ME: Barnes & Noble, Borders, no BAM. Remind me about it.
CPQ: Julia Roberts, Clive Owen – they’re both corporate spies. It’s witty, there’s banter. Clive Owen. We could just stop there.
ME: Witty, banter, Julia AND Clive. I’m in. Especially since the last movie in a theater I saw was Wall-E. Twice. Oh, wait. The last movie I saw at home? Wall-E. Three times. Please, Lord, I want to see just one movie with real people. Please, just one that wasn’t drawn. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask, really.
CPQ: Wall-E doesn’t do it for me. Bolt comes out March 22 and Craig’s the most excited one in the family about that. He’s obsessed with Bolt. It’s the wallpaper on his computer.
ME: I saw that on his FB status. He had the release of Bolt as his FB status. But I didn’t judge. Because I love him. We never saw it. Is it that good?
CPQ: You must see it. I have to say, it’s probably my most favorite animated movie ever. It’s really that good. The lines that the hamster has are roll-on-the-floor hilarious.
ME: Wow. Now I’m excited about the 22nd. That will be something fun to do this week.
CPQ: 22nd’s blue ray, 24th is regular. I’m frightened that I know that.
ME: I am too, a little.
CPQ: What are you doing today with all your boundless energy?
ME: Well, we’re out of milk. So, yeah. The kids have gymnastics this afternoon. K leaves Sunday morning crack -of-dawnish.
CPQ: I don’t like it when they leave early. I also don’t like it when they say, “Set the alarm for 4:30.” YOU set the alarm. And put it on your side of the bed.
ME: We have two alarms. One on each side. Mine’s currently flashing from when the power went out a couple of weeks ago.
CPQ: I wish we did. I could solve this problem for $9.99 at Target. Plus $47 for whatever the kids got.
ME: K’s is synchronized with GMT. I think it’s Zulu time.
ME: Mine’s set 15 minutes fast And that would make me….slacker, maybe?
ME: I don’t want to be able to launch a missile by my alarm clock. I just don’t want to be late for stuff.
CPQ: I don’t like getting up at 6:30, so I like for my clock to say it’s 6:45.
ME: We’re drinking Timmy H this morning. Maybe that’s why I’m so happy. Out of my OBU mug.
CPQ: Oh, me too! Yay – it’s like we’re at the coffee shop together. That makes me happy.
ME: And the sun is shining. Is it shining there? And I have half and half in mine. No sugar. I feel so grown up.
CPQ: I’m drinking out of my christmas mug that has a glaze on it like an ornament. It’s a shiny mug. it makes me happy. I’m out of half and half, but I have cream. And two splendas
ME: 1/2 & 1/2…I just wanted to see what it looked like all in symbols. Not as impressive as I thought it would be. Oh, well.
CPQ: …and i just opened the windows and yes, the sun is shining
ME: And I made Pillsbury orange rolls.
CPQ: I’m making those TOO!
ME: Shut. up. This morning, you are?
CPQ: No way – I’m serious. Already told the kids
CPQ: Oh, my funkiness about the company has left me. I might have to start using exclamation points!!!
ME: Yeah. I think I may use too many. And I missed out on the rolls. Lord, love a duck, they just came out of the oven! These people are like little vacuum cleaners. Oh, wait. CBL’s giving me half of his THIRD roll. So that’s nice.
CPQ: Oh, I hate to miss out on warm orange rolls.
ME: Totally shallow and off subject: Big Mama had spring trends in her post today. Made me want to go shopping or at least clean out my closet.
CPQ: I must get a new shirt. What are the It colors for spring?
ME: She said pink. She said the word “neon” is being brandished around different places but she’s ignoring it b/c of 80s flashbacks. Blues and greens are cool and spring/summery. Chunky, interesting necklaces.
CPQ: I like chunky.
CPQ: Hate ruffles.
ME: Gladiator sandals. Trench coats.
CPQ: Which set off my thick ankles.
ME: I have a trench. Slouchy pants i.e. boyfriend jeans or loose cargos. Okay, I was wondering how the trench set off your ankles but you were talking sandals. At least you have ankles.
CPQ: Yes. Mighty oaks, they are.
ME: She said black and white prints. But that’s every season almost, right?
CPQ: Black and white is classic. At least that’s what I’m saying because it’s my entire wardrobe. I did buy a raspberry summer sweater at BJ’s yesterday.
ME: The scarf. I thought its 15 minutes would be up by now. EVERY college kid in this town has one of those pashmina kind on at all times. Remember when they gave Rachael Ray such a hard time about them?
CPQ: I notice that raspberry was not on your “It” list. I love the scarf.
ME: Why did you notice?
CPQ: I’m just now jumping on the scarf band wagon.
ME: Yeah, me too. That’ll be sure to kill it dead.
CPQ: I noticed because I bought raspberry and of course, raspberry’s not “It.”
ME: Kill it dead, she said. Well, raspberry’s just a fancy hot pink. So you’re in. You bought a color?! Yay, Sus!! Let’s see, oh, neutrals (beige and khakis) Duh. We need them every season. Cool colors like turquoise. That’s been around awhile too.
CPQ: I’m big on beige – JJ refuses to wear khaki pants because beige is “boring.” He prefers navy.
ME: Because navy rocks the Casbah?
CPQ: This is my imaginative child.
ME: How is it less boring?
CPQ: I have no clue.
ME: CBL likes to wear blue and black which makes my butt cheeks clinch. I said “butt.” Blue and black is a bruise.
CPQ: So does JJ. I just bite my tongue.
ME: AHL thinks that to match everything must be the same color. Not necessarily the same shade. Again. My butt cheeks.
CPQ: I’ll save my battles for short hair.
CPQ: It does not reflect on me. Repeat after me.
ME: “There are many, many different reds, sweetie.” We have Dress Yourself How You Want days and Mom Gets to Pick days
CPQ: Tommy just yelled back about the rolls. I told him to preheat the oven. Press “Bake.” Press “Start.” He says, “I don’t know how to do that.”
ME: Yep, he’s a man.
CPQ: Two buttons…
ME: I still haven’t seen the new James Bond. I really liked Casino Royale. Daniel whoever is a good Bond.
CPQ: Casino Royale is one of my favorite Bond’s.
ME: I didn’t think he’d be a good Bond but he may be my favorite. I’m so sorry, Mr. Connery.
CPQ: Quantum of Solace comes out on DVD next week (and I only know this because I read the paper this morning)
ME: Did you see it in theatre? I was too lazy to type the “the” but that sounded a little British.
CQ: I didn’t.
ME: She’s in hospital. We met at university.
CPQ: And I have a theatre friend and this will be your spelling lesson for today. She says it theatRE if it’s in play form. It’s theater if you eat popcorn.
ME: Well, shoot. I just always used the “re” because I like it better.
CPQ: It looks more sophisticated, that’s for sure. The upside is, if we ever want to go see any plays in NY, I have good seats. That’s really all we need to know.
ME: I’ve never seen a play in NY. Broadway or otherwise. It’s on my list. Except it’s a mental list. Nothing’s written down.
CPQ: I’m not writing down the “run a marathon.” That’s too concrete.
ME: I’m not writing down “run a marathon” because it ain’t happening.
CPQ: I don’t know why I think that will be fulfilling
ME: I wish I liked to run.
CPQ: All the cool skinny people are runners
ME: I wish I were a runner. Yeah, but did you watch the marathons on the Olympics?
CPQ: I’d love to wear short shorts and look rad.
ME: I don’t want a runner’s body. Not a serious runner’s body.
CPQ: I already am flat chested…I just want the good legs to go with it.
ME: The swimmers had better bodies
CPQ: Timer – BRB
Perfect – 8 rolls, 4 of us… I love it when the math works.
ME: Yeah. We were mathematically challenged (and greedy) this morning.
CPQ: I don’t like the single leftover – then it becomes “who gets the extra.” I’m an expert at thirds.
Take the quiz. I’m apparently narcissistic with severe authority issues.
ME: I scored 14. 2-authority, 1-self sufficient, 5-superiority, 4 exhibitionism (?), 1 entitlement. So I’m not narcissistic and I’m superior that way.
CPQ: Let me tell you what you can do with your superiority. I nailed EVERY SINGLE ONE of the authority questions.
Why does this not suprise me?
ME: Control issues much?
CPQ: Maybe just a little?
ME: But since I know I’m superior, I don’t mind letting you think you’re in charge.
CPQ: Thanks – that’s helpful. That was my second highest. That’s why we’re friends. We both recognize we’re better than everybody.
ME: But I’m an exhibitionist? Really?
CPQ: But I’m not entitled.
ME: At least I’m not vain. Zero.
CPQ: I was zero on vain, too.
ME: I probably should go back into therapy. I thought I was more self-sufficient, too. I only have one, as if I needed to feel better about myself…
CPQ: I only had one as well on that. I was three on exhibition.
ME: Yeah, thanks for that. That’s not right. We’re very self sufficient.
CPQ: What was your exploitive one? That was low for me – only 1. And only two for entitlement, which I thought was amusing. Because around this house sometimes I feel a little entitled. We are very self sufficient.
ME: 1 entitlement for me. Let me check on the exploitive one.
#16 (because I can, thank you very much. Remember how I was right about C&B just last night?) and 26. I’m a freak o this one. I like to be complimented but I hate to be singled out except that I love the attention but don’t look at me.
I wonder if anyone knows a good therapist in the Boston area.
CPQ: Bipolar anyone?
That cracked me up.
ME: What cracked you up? I hate being below average.
CPQ: your “I love attention but don’t single me out”
ME: IT’s the gospel truth, I tell you.
CPQ: Well, scoring higher than Paris Hilton isn’t making me feel good about myself.
ME: She lied. How do you know what she scored?
CPQ: Most celebrities score around 18. I scored 20. I’m hoping that being punch drunk on no sleep affected my scores.
ME: Yeah, but I put that in the same category as “Are you smarter than George W. Bush? Take this test and find out. He scored 120!” Like GW and other celebrities are taking IQ tests so they can compete with us on the internet!
Did you read boomama yet? I relate. I’m hopped up on caffeine. 1/2 a small Coke before Brandy’s, Coke w/McDonald’s last night, the rest of the Coke before bed and 2 cups of coffee this morning. I loved it when she said she could charge her cellphone just by holding it in her hand.
CPQ: i need to go find a link – I don’t have her bookmared
ME: I could be our nation’s alternative to the energy crisis all by myself right this minute.
ME: Until I crash and burn about 4 what do you think
book mared, you say
CPQ: it’s the latest in equine fiction
ME: have you noticed the caffeine makes me care not even a flying fig about spelling or punctuation or grammar
i feel so free and ee cummings like
seriously what was in that coffee
CPQ: i think we’re just giddy about the weekend
I’m a little hopped up, too
maybe it’s adrenaline over all I know I need to do and haven’t done
going to feed lunch to my minions. They will like it. See how authoritative that was?
ME: If they don’t, I’ll SHOW them what’s for. How’s that for exhibitionist?